i hate haters...

...does that make me a hater? maybe…
anyway, you know how haters hate you? they don’t want to see you succeed. they don't want what's best for you. they don't encourage you and make you feel good about yourself. noooo, they want to see you fall! they want to see you fail! they do everything they can to bring you down, to tear you down, to rip you off! they hate you! then there’s the hater of all haters...
do you know the devil is real? he's not some character in a book or movie, he's not some image someone created one day to scare you into being good and he's not walking around wearing little red under wear either. he is real and i’m here to tell you....he hates your guts!
i once met this couple whose job was to go into houses that had been foreclosed on and whose tenants had been evicted. their job was to clean them, repair them and return them to their original livable state. they tell me that this is a very difficult job to do because you see, once the tenants realize that they’ve lost the residence, they realize their time, money and investment is gone, that they no longer own this property, then they just don't care what happens to it anymore. they let it go to pot. more times than not, right before leaving, they even destroy it further! they break windows, put holes in the walls, ruin the floors, steal the appliances and on and on! they think, “if i can’t have it, then nobody’s going to have it!” see, satan is like that. he has been given residence here on the earth...freedom to reign the air; scripture calls him the prince of the air, eph. 2:2. but he knows it's just a matter if time. he knows he's been evicted...he knows his time is short so what does he do? right before he leaves for eternity he is going to attempt to destroy and steal the most valuable things that belong to the Owner…you and me.
john 10:10 says, “the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy…” he's about bringing as much destruction to your life as possible and he plans to rob you of all joy, peace and hope in the process. he will distract you dead. by that i mean he will keep you so distracted with worry or despair and/or keep you so waist deep in sin that although you exist in this world, you walk around like the living dead. satan distracts you dead. so are you doomed? is this it? so this is why your life sucks and always will? no, because there is a but…and it’s a big BUT...
"I (Jesus) have come that you may have life"
satan might be the hater of all haters, the prince of the air, BUT i'm about to tell you about the Lover of all lovers...and the King of all kings.
james 4:7 says, "submit therefore to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you."
you can resist satan and his plots and ploys against you. you can resist his attacks and attempts at your life. you can even resist him to the point that he flees. do you know what "to flee" means? to run away...as if from danger or from pursuers...it means now he is the one who is scared! he has his little red tail tucked between his legs and he is getting out of there...fast! resist him...how? well, we certainly are not strong enough or even smart enough to resist this one on our own...go back to james 4:7 and read it again...don't miss it, "submit therefore to God.."
you can’t resist until you submit. satan isn't fleeing from YOU; he’s fleeing from the One who is IN you!
Jesus...
the demons know that name. they know what that name means. in james 2:19 it says they (the demons) shudder. do you know what shudder means? you know how you’re watching a movie and you're so engaged in the plot, it’s got your full attention, you’re on the edge of your seat and suddenly out of nowhere an image pops out on the screen and you about jump out of your seat and scream..popcorn flies everywhere, your heart is racing..."dang that just scared the 'bleep' out of me!" you know that feeling? it's shudder. my co-worker and friend kevin causes me to shudder all the time…i never hear him walk up behind me, or enter the room, or coming around the corner. i am always surprised by his presence to the point of shudder and exclamations! i’m always saying, “kevin, stop doing that to me!” he doesn’t mean to though, he says he even tries not to, but i guess he's just a ninja by nature....i don’t know. anyway, shudder, that's what the demons do at the name of Jesus. sometimes i just like to say His name and picture them in my head….Jesus (shudder) Jesus (shudder) Jesus! (flee) haha.
Jesus, name above all names...Jesus. say it with respect, in honor, in awe, in humility, in total reverence, belief and faith...not flippant, in vain, in arrogance or ignorance. satan isn't fleeing from that! he’s embracing it and laughing at you!
Jesus... "at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord." phil 2:10-11
there is power in that Name my friends.

the thief comes to destroy...don't live in destruction. the thief comes to steal...don’t allow Satan to rob you of your blessings and inheritance. the thief comes to kill...don't live dead.
submit and resist; know the power in Jesus’ name. He’s about restoration, recovery and resurrection. unlike my friends who simply clean up and repair property, Jesus actually makes us new again...not "like new" but brand new! get on your knees and confess it. shout out His name and receive Him. stand up today and...

...love to live!

their tribute to their dad...

...his girls have something to say.

one day...

...the first time i ever saw ricky, we didn't actually meet. i was at the ball field to watch the church softball team play. i was so annoyed at this guy sitting three rows back on the bleachers...i tell my friend, "oh my gosh, he's so obnoxious!" but he tells his friend, "see that girl right there? 'one day' i am going to marry her."
...and "one day" he did.

he recalls growing up with people, friends, loved ones telling him, "one day, you're going to end up in prison or dead." he says, "statistically, i should....but one day i met Jesus. no longer do i live according to man's statistics, now i live according to God's plan."

one day he became a pastor. he loved telling people he was a pastor; partially because he loved being a pastor, but mostly because he loved to see the shock on people's faces who knew him before...they'd say, "i never thought i'd see 'this day'!"

he loved to preach. people would always say, "'one day' you're going to preach to the masses!" this frustrated him, "why 'one day'?! why not 'today'?!"

one day he baptized our oldest daughter. another day he baptized the other.

one day he was up. one day he was down....always up, then back down.

many days...he was broken, fallen, weak, sorry, sick, recovering, reckless, determined, bold, angry and always fighting his way back.

never a day...that he didn't tell his girls he loved them. never a day that he wasn't forgiven, wasn't funny, lost hope or wasn't loved.

today...he knows. today he is healed. today he is with his dad and his Dad. today is forever.

if you know what he knew, if you know his heart's story, if you listened at all...you will see him, laugh with him, love him again....

one day...

the roberts' remedy...

....the paper towel. more specifically, the wet paper towel.
as my children were growing up this was my cure all remedy. you have a fever? here's a wet paper towel. oh no, a scraped knee? here's a wet paper towel. that bug bite is itching and burning? a wet paper towel. everything from headaches, rug burns, smashed fingers, muscle aches, stumped toes, cuts, bruises, to runny noses, sun burn, chicken pox and even hurt feelings...the healing effects of the soothing wet paper towel made it all better. (this method also worked for cleaning dirty hands, dirty faces, messy counters, spills and hot sweaty feet)
today when my girls recall the paper towel days, they laugh. they think i was wacky and cheap. they think i lacked appreciation for commercial antidotes. while there is probably some truth to these assumptions, the benefits of using this form of medicine is not about the practicality, the cost effectiveness, or even the easy disposal...the best part was by far the application. this treatment wasn't always successful unless my arms were wrapped around them as i held the damp towel in place. the results weren't always positive if my voice wasn't calm and reassuring as i spoke words of comfort. and full recovery only occurred when i added gentle kisses and lots of love....and sometimes pizza.
one day they will likely practice this same technique. they will discover the secret. they will realize that behind something so seemingly simple like a paper towel lies something so much more meaningful. they will understand the power of a mommy's touch....
one wound at a time

the "expansion project"...

....it's how i've decided to embrace my "word of the year". as part of my "expansion" in 2011, i want to measure my development by exposing my self-revelations, lessons, and experiences in fuller detail...to openly express my passions, goals and desires...and to candidly confess my struggles, insecurities and weaknesses to you (whoever you are). i am calling this my "expansion project" because this year calls for such specific personal change, requires much action from me and most of all, gives testimony to God's undertaking of my future and growth.
although this "expansion project" is my method of measuring change and transformation in my life, it is my hope that as i "weigh in" each week or month this project somehow inspires you, encourages you and launches a desire to seek fresh direction in your life or perhaps even establish your own life project (that you'll share with me!).

so, stay with me...the project has taken off, His plan is in place and soon i will be...

stepping on the scales.

first blog of the year begins...

with my word of the year; expand. definition - to stretch out; unfold; to express in fuller form or greater detail; develop...accompanied by my verse of the year; isaiah 40:31, "those that wait upon God will get fresh strength. they spread their wings and soar like eagles, they run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind."
i believe that 2011 is my year to soar. i don't even know what that looks like yet...the word is prophetic and it's only january. in spite of that, i can already see it taking shape. i can see God strategically putting me in situations that are and will expand my social network, my communication skills, my knowledge, relationships and exposure.

this year some of my goals are simple;

• make more eye contact (i just don't do this enough!)
• initiate more conversations with classmates, cashiers and "strangers" in general (i tend to just keep to myself!)
• identify and rely on a mentor or mentors

some of my goals are obvious;

• consciously maintain a healthy balance between home, school and work
• maintain and improve my performance and duties at work
• make all "a's" in school
• intentionally "making memories" with my family and friends
• maintain a healthy lifestyle with good foods and exercise
• passionately live out spiritual disciplines

my main goal however is to pay attention and take advantage of every opportunity to expand. if it feels out of my comfort zone, i'm doing it. if it makes me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable, i'm doing it. if it challenges me and makes me stronger, i'm doing it.

He's spreading my wings...

...it's about my word of the year

a video blog....because i said i would

pushing the boundaries...

...my boundaries, anyway.
looking back at 2009, i had a great year overall. a lot of fun times and making memories moments. it's almost like i took the year off just to play. it was exactly what i needed but in 2010 i want to take my life to a new dimension of living.

• physically - getting serious about my health; eating and exercise. setting hard goals and pushing the limits...
• spiritually - stop putting off Bible Study and reading materials and spending quality time praying and fasting. i want to make these things a priority and challenge myself to mature in my relationship with God.
• relationships - i really like having just a few close friends that i trust and play with...but i also want to allow the friends i don't get to spend a lot of time with to get to know me in a new and different way. so, i am going to begin video blogs. i am still trying to figure out what that will look like but i only have a couple days if i want to start the year out doing it, so it may be a trial and error kind of thing...
• education and future - going back to school is going to be hard. i want to be careful not to let the challenge and difficulty deter me but instead manage my time and push through it and work hard to accomplish and finish it.
• financially - i just want to be a good steward of what God gives me.
• work - i love working behind the scenes but i want to get out of my comfort zone and teach more and be in front of groups more often.

i want to stop saying "i can't" or "that's just not me". i want to push MY boundaries and change my world...!

looking back...

before moving into 2010, i thought i would look back at my 2009 goals...

• go deep sea fishing; yes, in june during my family's summer vacation. the video and pics are posted on my facebook.


• take 1 spontaneous road trip every month; not every month but i did take several; charleston, charlotte, jekyll island, atlanta, greenville, myrtle beach, maggie's valley...


• save $; yes, but then i spent it


• spend more time with family; i think so, but i should've been more specific in order to measure this.


• smile more; i don't know...i think so.


• parachute from a plane; on hold for now. waiting for my fun friend...


• cook more; eat less fast food; uh, nope


• exercise more; again, should've been more specific in order to measure this, but i'd say no i didn't excerise more but i did exercise.


• write a song; there are some lyrics in my head, but the song is still unwritten.


• journal or blog once a week; not one blog all year, but i facebooked ALL the time.


• relax more; i don't know...


• return to china; yes, in october with my dad and daughter and 4 others.


• try something new at least once a month; possibly, but not likely. didn't remember to make note...


• buy new bedroom furniture; no


• redecorate the living room; yes, well i started anyway. still in process of finishing.


• give up soft drinks; at least 3 times...


• lead my girls and their best friends through 2 bible studies; no, but thankful they are both involved in small group bible studies at church.


• sing karaoke; too scared


• participate in the marine corps ultimate challenge 2009 mud run; nope, my friend dissed me...


• take more pictures/video; most definitely


• continue to build off of last year lessons...developing my gifts and sticking to the things i do well; yes, but it got a little boring...so in 2010, i am...

PUSHING THE BOUNDARIES

2009

i am happy and excited to welcome a new year! as a whole i want to concentrate on my family and friendships...but some personal goals for my year include:

• go deep sea fishing
• take 1 spontaneous road trip every month
• save $
• spend more time with family
• smile more
• parachute from a plane
• cook more; eat less fast food
• exercise more
• write a song
• journal or blog once a week
• relax more
• return to china
• try something new at least once a month
• buy new bedroom furniture
• redecorate the living room
• give up soft drinks
• lead my girls and their best friends through 2 bible studies
• sing karaoke
• participate in the marine corps ultimate challenge 2009 mud run
• take more pictures/video
• continue to build off of last year lessons...developing my gifts and sticking to the things i do well
• my verse for this year is proverbs 16:9 (message); "We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it." 
• my word of the year; able

2008...

in no particular order and not an exhaustive list, but here are a few memories...

• went to isreal; walked where jesus walked…will never read God’s word the same again...
  
• went on my first date in almost 20 yrs…
  
• hired a personal trainer…
  
• saddened by the loss of certain friendships…surprised by unexpected change in another…other friendships grew stronger…made new friends…reacquainted with old friends…still best friends with childhood friend of 30 yrs…
  
• challenged by the responsibility of raising 2 teenage daughters as a single mom...
  
• mother survived breast cancer...
  
• father developed parkinsins disease...
  
• took a couple of group ballroom dance lessons...
• went to china…climbed the great wall…floated down the yellow river…helped distribute over 50,000 bibles…
  
• i love my job...
  
• was sometimes overwhelmed and emotional trying to “find myself” and my purpose…
  
• cried a lot…
• reaffirmed that I work best behind the scenes…planning, directing and taking care of event details…
  
• ended the year 7 lbs heavier than I began…am ok with it...
  
• hate being alone but love my privacy; trying to find the balance...
  
• daughter got her drivers permit...
  
• still $ broke...
  
• filmed travis barkers last performance on video before his plane crashed the same night…
  
• feel like I am missing something in my life…
  
• gave myself bangs! trying to grow them out again…
  
• favorite memories all involve water, or a boat and always friends...and shadow hand puppets!!
  
• had to get reading glasses..
• shot a handgun for the first time in 20 years...
• there's this jeep incident and a golf cart adventure; no details...
• laughed a lot...
• there's soooo much more i am leaving out, but...

2009...coming soon

my escape day...

        

this day God reminded me to relax and live in the moment...one day at a time. he reminded me that he loves me and he takes care of all my needs (can you believe i needed to be reminded of that??!!) 

more china...

back row: left to right - brother drung (a church volunteer and our driver...for another blog!), pastor greg, and ben (our interpreter). front row: left to right - sister li, cristi, kathleen (our team leader from california), me, and sister shung.

this was my distribution team. after traveling hundreds of miles together in a van for hours and days to places 99% of foreigners will never go, it is no wonder why it was an emotional goodbye. two different languages were never a barrier to complete the task given to us. these chinese church leaders watched over us, prayed for us, led us, inspired us and modeled for us what true servanthood looks like. i look forward to seeing these brothers and sisters again...one day.

mission not so impossible...

thanks to you who contributed either financially or prayerfully to the china mission trip. the trip was so successful in so many ways. for me personally, i was moved by the chinese christian's genuine love for jesus, god's word and their commitment to share it. they soak it up like they are starving…they are attentive to every word and they are living it out with honest, simple passion. the need for bibles is great. my team distributed 6000 bibles in 5 days in rural mountain areas (the total distribution between 6 teams was 50,000...there are 1.3 billion people living in china). we endured rough, tough, and exhaustive travel but the reward was beyond great with every stop…whether it was a pit stop (literally...our "bathrooms" were literally pits or holes in the ground) or a distribution stop. we were so deep into the mountains that most people in these villages had never seen a foreigner. they saw us as miracles from god because they had been praying intensely for more bibles to put into the hands of the people. the fact that we traveled from another country to see that these bibles were delivered just blew their minds. they were truly grateful while praising and thanking god for his answered prayers. i can't describe how humbled i was and thankful that i participated in this miracle. what i witnessed stirred emotion that i didn't know i had in me. i have tears in my eyes as i write this to you. it made me realize how much i take god and his word for granted. i can only pray my desire and thirst for god's word becomes half of what theirs is. i am very enthusiastic to make this a continuing ministry of mine. please continue praying for the word to spread throughout China and what your role will be to see that it happens. in '09 i will participate in two trips with friend church (march and oct) as well as together sending $1500 to purchase bibles. well, if all we did was distribute bibles it would've been enough but we were blessed to see another side of china. we flew into shanghai...this place is massive! i don't think there is another place like it in the world. it was overwhelming, overbearing, over the top BIG. from there we drove to nanjing for training and to meet the other teams. it was there that we had dinner with government officials and it was there that we realized we were already tired of chinese food...we had 10 more days of it ahead of us. the teams parted from nanjing and went to 6 different distribution points all over china. after 5 days we all met again in beijing. we weren't in the airport 10 minutes when we learned there was a mcdonald's and a starbucks inside the airport. we were ordering big mac combos 11 minutes after we landed! we devoured them! we still had 4 days of chinese food left to endure. by the way, when i say chinese food, it is not the chinese food as you know it here. honestly, we didn't recognize much of the food and what we did recognize made most of us gag. however, we ate it and were thankful for god's provision. we all stayed healthy and full! in beijing we toured the forbidden city, tien a men square, saw an acrobatic show, climbed the great wall, and so much more. we have so much video and so many pictures...look for some in my next blog...

china...

so i am on the other side of the world...i have so much to say but until my mind can process all that i have witnessed and experienced i will just describe it like this:

• vast
• overwhelming, yet
• simple
• innocent
• strong
• emotional
• true
• selfless
• committed
• honest
• genuine
• power

the desire for god's word is great. the commitment to spread the love of jesus greatly surpasses anything i have ever experienced in my lifetime. i am humbled, inspired, and empowered....i am speechless.

i want to be a rock star...

i've recently taken up a new obsession; the electric guitar. just this past weekend i learned some of the old classics by the rolling stones, alice cooper, kiss and even some recent hits by the killers. my experience didn't start out very glamorous though; i was boo..d off the stage the first few times. (evidently the electric guitar is very important to rock music because when i miss a few notes everyone freaks and the song does not sound good at all.) anyway, i kept practicing until i eventually got my first gig and two new sponsors. although it was a paying gig i actually only got paid $75...something about the hotel room being trashed?...idk. i've played several more gigs since then and i finally earned enough money to buy new clothes (i bought this grunge/riot looking school girl outfit...it's bad!) and a new guitar. being on the stage is exciting! i totally feed off the cheers from the crowd! i've done backyard bashes, played in the prison and even went to europe! the lifestyle is draining though. i play well into the night after practicing all day. my fingers hurt, my back aches, my head hurts. i am probably too old to be having this much fun this kind of way. and i think i embarrass my girls too. they told me they did not want any of their friends to watch me perform. what's up with that? i suggested they join me and we start our own rock band. i am not kidding you guys...and no, i am not dreaming. okay...maybe it is just a game...in my living room...but while i am rock'n, it's real..i am a star...i am famous...i am the guitar hero!

no shoes, no shirt, no problems...

that pretty much sums up my vacation. on vacation i spend 90% of my day in a bathing suit and bare feet; the other 10% in a tank top and flip flops. i stay outdoors as much as i can; as long as i can. mornings are mostly spent on the beach. i love looking out at the ocean. i could stare at it for hours. it is my heaven on earth. i will walk the beach for miles. i never wear earphones. i love to hear the sound of the waves and wind. it is my music. i love to feel the warmth of the sun on my face. i feel close to god. i love to listen to the children laughing as the waves wash up on their little toes. it makes me smile. i feel their joy. i love the smell of sunscreen. i love riding the waves with my kids. i even love the sand. i spend a lot of the afternoon napping under the gazebo at the pool. the sound of kids playing and water splashing grows fainter with every blink of my eyes; every blink taking me further into dreamland. the ocean air clears my head and i never feel so relaxed. after dinner i walk the beach one more time; breathing it in slowly. i end every evening sitting on the dock overlooking the inlet reading, watching the sunset and talking to god. i love our long conversations. i hear him clearly. i have peace.
vacation is over. time to go home. time to get dressed. it's back to life as i know it. back to the stresses. back to work. back to the distractions. but i come back rested, refreshed and ready. ready to face the problems that await. ready to move forward on the path god has for me. ready for the choices i have to make. i am ready to embrace whatever the future holds...
fully clothed and worry free.

i will always have hope...

or hopey dopey as we call her at home. she's my baby daughter and she is turning 13! it's almost funny how prophetic we were when we decided on her name. i believe god put it in our hearts because it was fitting to the plan he has for her life. when she was very young i misunderstood her. i thought her name was god's way of reminding us that there was hope for her! i felt helpless so many times. i could never seem to figure out what she needed when she'd cry. she got frustrated with me, i got frustrated with her. i prayed and god spoke...one word...gentleness. in every way i need to be gentle with her; in the way i speak, in the way i touch, and in the way i love her. sometimes i forget. sometimes i make her cry.
hope is sensitive in every way. her heart hurts when mine hurts; it hurts when yours hurts. she loves to the fullest. she doesn't understand injustice. she truly cares for and sees the potential in everyone and every situation. she doesn't look down on others. she's ignorant of time. she's messy. although she is a brunette, we are convinced her roots ARE blonde. she's funny. she loves to laugh and make others laugh. she's witty, creative, rational. she's a counselor. she's insightful. she's a songwriter. she inspires me. she dances. she's disciplined. she slows me down. she helps me. she teaches me. she makes me proud. she knows jesus. she's shy. she's gifted. she's an encourager. she ministers. although she is never all of these things all of the time, she is hope. she doesn't know yet how much she has to offer. she doesn't understand her calling. she doesn't see that she is changing the world. god is all over her. he is shaping her, maturing her, guarding her, directing her, protecting her...she is in his hands. i love her...
she is my hope

the F word...

no, not that one! i am talking about an F word that describes me...Flawed. that used to be an ugly word that i would never have chosen to describe myself. i have always been an idealist in the most negative way. i always thought everything could be perfect; the perfect marriage, the perfect family, the perfect house, the perfect life. to reach the goal of perfection i put unrealistic expectations on just about everyone and everything including myself. if i worked hard enough, said the right things, did the right things then dang it! it would be perfect. if it wasn't...well, i was a failure (another f word). i remember that day well; the day i failed. reality had slapped me in the face and the flaws were revealed. i wish that day on everyone. it was the most beautiful and perfect day of my life! although my marriage ended, god has given me a hope for the future; although i went to work full time and turned my children's world upside down (the words of my oldest child), i have a great relationship with them and they know i love them with all my heart; although i neglect the housework and yardwork to hang out with friends and play, i now have friendships that are healthy and strong. there is nothing ugly about my imperfections... they make me who i am. i am jealous, sometimes rude, selfish, make bad choices, pout when i don't get my way, yell at my kids, forget to call my friends, slam doors, curse at other drivers, forget to feed my cat, spend money on things i shouldn't, forget my dad's b-day, probably shouldn't have had that last drink.... better stop there. anyway, without them i wouldn't need jesus. without them you couldn't know me. without them i couldn't be free. today i don't want to be perfect. i want to be real. yep, what you see is what you get,
Flaws and all...